Healing Testimonies

"When I arrived at the R.A.M. Center, I had no expectations. I tried numerous other treatments, none being faith-based. I quickly knew this was different. Within a week I turned my life over to Christ. Staff truly shows the LOVE OF GOD and are 2nd to none. My testimony could go on for pages. Through GOD'S steadfast love, peace, patience, and this program, my life has been saved."

  Greetings, to all who read I am fortunate by the grace of God to be alive to share these thoughts with you. It’s a small glimpse into a self-made man turned into a servant leader through Christ, may all honor and glory be His for its through Him I am saved.

(Isaiah 53:5) But He was wounded[a] for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.

Who am I today? I am a man of God, a father to 3 amazing children, a son, brother, a uncle, Reverend, a ministry director, a servant leader, and a friend. But that wasn’t always that way, not even close. 

(1 John 3:2) Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

February 2022, I picked up the bottle again, never thinking really about anything, assuming I had it under control, telling myself only for this week, well maybe for the weekend too, alright who am I fooling I can keep this up, as long as I eat right and still get rest as needed. Well, rest never came. Well, no rest no problem there are uppers(cocaine) drugs for this issue, onto cocaine which I had done for years prior to this, so that was an easy fix. But even at this pace the base drugs couldn’t keep up with my consumption. There were times it wasn’t accessible, so it meant moving onto pills, molly, LSD, meth, even fentanyl. Mixing this combination together caused a very fast downward spiral, leading to frequent seizures, blackouts, cardiac arrest. I don’t remember those times all too well. Looking back, I only thought that I was hurting myself, never once did I realize all the loved ones I was truly damaging. Not until I realized that I would not be making it out of this alive would I put my hand out one last time, my mother answered. I can’t thank her enough for answering me that day and not listening to my excuses. 

(Romans 1:21-25) 18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, 21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. 24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

90 days I remember saying so arrogantly to my family, 90 days, and I’m out, that is absolutely all I will give you. This is what I remember saying as close family and friends circled me in the hospital, either in person or via video chat, I would soon understand that this would be an intervention.  I wasn’t exactly the most thrilled, or easy to get along with.  Even my dad had held up his bible and said son its either go to treatment or don’t be calling me for this support anymore, I won’t listen, understanding now how scripturally proof his justification was. I mean the Lord as his witness even my dark, unclean spirit understood that. 

(Matthew 16:23) But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.”

The beginning of the end, for the old man would soon be washed away. As I traveled to the RAM center, I had no idea what to think, in fact I wasn’t able to think at all, but inside of me a part of me said to trust in the process, not yet understanding what the process was. A week earlier I was coming out of induced coma, not even remembering who I was, now somewhere totally foreign to me. I would not be comfortable here for a week or so, not wanting to let go of my past because that’s who I am, I struggled as I had to start convincing myself that this would pass quickly. I remember putting my mind on a Groundhog Day setting, keeping every day the same and the days would blend together and hopefully go by quicker. I remember about 2 separate occasions when I packed up ready to leave, taking an incompletion. This happened after a video we watched about how we must submit our entire life to God, family, money, loved ones, the past, our sins, other people’s problems, etc. I thought to myself how is this possible? How can this God we speak of take care of me and my loved ones from so far away? Ok, so there’s purpose for my life? Ok so others before me suffered this life and even greater sufferings? Ok God I want to trust you, please teach me how show me how, please don’t let me down, because I can’t do this anymore, I am tired, I am lost, I am broken, I give myself to you, here. The submission of my life now in the hands of God, the best decision I privately made not to anyone but Him. When I hear God as my witness, well I now understand that meaning. So, I began praying as in conversation with my Father, to talk things through and ask for the proper guidance in all things, and I soon found myself opening up for His love to pour through me. My father wasn’t looking for perfection, only looking for effort and obedience, and to love Him and trust Him. I now realized I was no longer in control and my old self was dead and I was made a new creation in Him. This life would never be the same. From the waking up for devotion, to the completion of class work, campus projects to community service, chapel services, Wednesday bible study, and Sunday service, thus creating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It reminded me from that part in the movie the karate kid,” wax on wax off”, if you work towards something and believe in the process and allow yourself to be taught putting your trust in your teacher, it will work, time and time again. This life would never be the same. 

(Galatians 2:20) I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live be faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

The Lord God in fact hears His children and gives us the desires of our heart even if we don’t know or see it, amen. 

I trusted in the Lord and was delivered, I repented before the Lord and was forgiven, I submitted my life to the Lord and was given life, purpose, and most of all a relationship that has no ending. Through this program which I now see as a foundation, a cornerstone, built upon Gods promises is real. No man or beast can take away the fact that God works through this place but are we willing to put in the work?! My personal testimony of being dead to this world living again through Him, has answered so many prayers. From thinking I lost everything, the Lord blessed me with the call to ministry, to become a men’s ministry director, to pastor, even when I didn’t want that for myself, knowing that was not my decision but His, but that’s what that obedience is, stepping out of your comfort zone, your safe place, that boundary that deceives us. We only needed someone to believe in us and give ourselves a chance. So, I leave you with this, if God was willing to save a drug addict, alcoholic, sinner like myself, then I tell you redemption and salvation are rightfully yours for the taking, take up the cross and run with no intentions of stopping, God as my witness you won’t be let down, amen. 

(John 3:16) For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Born in ’65, I was raised in a very caring family. I was the oldest of three boys. Everything I remember about my early childhood was normal. We played in the streets, stayed out till dark, even drank from the garden hose. When I was 12, I started smoking. I became a friend to a lot of people that also smoked. That led to other things. Raiding the parents liquor cabinet, experimenting with other types of recreational drugs, pot, coke, acid, etc. It stayed pretty mellow until I moved out and went to school in Arizona. There I got into dealing pot, and then into pills to manage my daily activities. The drinking remained constant, and the parties were to numerous to remember. I “functioned” like this for over 10 years or so. Moving back to Denver I really got in over my head and owed a bunch of people money, so I left and went to Wyoming. I told myself that going somewhere I had never been, would be a clean break, one that I needed to kick everything. Of course, one of the first individuals that I became acquainted with was one of the biggest coke dealers in the western side of Wyoming. Once again, I started down the spiral that I was all to familiar with. I quit my job and moved out of my apartment and was staying at a friend’s place. After getting a DUI, I was attending an outpatient treatment that really wasn’t working. Then I finally went over the edge, and blacked out for two days, woke up to discover that I had gone through the entire stash of coke and pot that had been fronted to me by my dealer. That did it. I applied to and entered a 28-day, inpatient program in Casper, Wyoming. After completing that program, I met a pastor who took me under his wing and tutored me regarding the need for a Savior, and the promises that God has made.  I had known that God existed, but never went beyond that. I accepted Christ in May of 1996, and felt like I was on cloud nine. It was better than any high I had experienced during my days of using. I met a Christian woman and we dated for approximately a year. We eventually married in August of 1997. Now I had God in my life, a caring wife by my side and a church family to talk to. My wife and I moved to Billings, then Denver, out to Oregon, all because of work. In Oregon I went to work for a phone company and things were good, then one day I let myself slip. I had a margarita with my meal. It was a hot day, a good meal, and after all it was only one margarita, I can handle it. Of course, I look back now and see the absurdity of that thought pattern, but away I went. I started back down the alcohol highway but was still trying to balance my walk with God. We moved to Missouri and then back to Casper, WY, in 2007. This was the beginning of the pit for me. When we moved to Missouri, we did not find a church that we liked and stopped trying. We both were drinking pretty regular, and things continued to work, but when we moved to Casper, we moved in with her parents to help them in a remodel and I quit my job in Missouri. I found work here and there, lasting a year or two at most before I was laid off or quit. This led to depression, which led to increased drinking. 

After moving back, my wife had quit drinking, so my drinking became problematic to all, and in 2016, my wife asked for a separation. I moved into a small apartment across from my new job, a clerk at a liquor store. I know, it was not the best choice, but it was a job, and it was convenient since I spent most of my time at the bar anyway. Things went downhill from there. Drinking became a constant, even when I was working, I was drinking shots with the manager or the bartender. Then the bottom of my world dropped out. My mom passed 2019, from cancer without any warning. I crawled into a bottle and did not want to come out. Covid was in full swing, and I left my job, telling myself it was because of the virus running rampant, but in retrospect it was so I did not have to face life. Daily deliveries of alcohol fed my addiction, and I stopped eating. In six weeks, I lost 40 lbs, which led to a hospitalization. Still, I would not learn. I continued to drink, and in 2022, I finally hit bottom. I lost my place to live, I did not have a job, and money was running out. I was referred to the RAM center by a Christian friend in town and applied.

When I arrived, I was greeted by the staff and students with open arms. I was accepted as one of their own. During the next nine months I went through several classes that opened my eyes to the real reasons that I was drinking my life away. Issues with anger, relationships, obedience, and my ability to deal with them on my own were the leading me to find escape through my addiction. But by far, the biggest issue that I had was my relationship with Jesus.  When I had accepted Him in ’96, I did accept Him as my Savior, but never developed a relationship with Him, or knew Him as my friend. This enabled me to leave Him on the back burner throughout my struggles and not search for Him to get the help that I needed. That was the light bulb moment that turned my life around. I found myself in His word and His teachings. I now had found the center that I needed in my life. I thought that I now knew what I needed to go forward with confidence. I got a job as a maintenance man. At first it was good, but then I began to let the lessons I had learned start to slip. A little bit at a time, I began to try doing it on my own again. Looking back, I never really, earnestly prayed over the job to see if it was God’s will. Instead, leaned on my prideful flesh to take the position. Turns out it was not where God wanted me. Stress, issues with pride and anger led me back to what I knew best, escape into a bottle. This time however, I was able to see it for what it was a lot sooner than before and was able to call for help. I moved back to the RAM center and dove back into God with all I had. This time, I truly gave myself to Him. His response has not disappointed. His blessings began to pour out, conveying His love for me. I had found a love for others that I did not have before. The desire to give back became my focus. I asked for, and then in March of 2024, was offered a position as an intern within the center. To be able to share with others what He has shared with me has been nothing short of a miracle. 

God’s word is now a driving force in my life. There are a few verses really stand out to me though:

· “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13 (NKJV)

· “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Eph 6:13

· “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matt 7:7)

· “Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.” (Lam 3:22)

· “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2Cor 5:17)

There are so many more that direct and guide me through my days, but these have been a driving force over my time at the RAM Center. This ministry has opened my eyes to a whole new world of God that I never experienced before. Through the classes that educate, to the chapels that feed my spirit, the outreach that goes on to help those it the community, to the staff that pours out their love of God and for His children each and every day. I also must include the fellow students. The men that I have met and developed a relationship with over my time here, have blessed me beyond measure. The comradery between us allows for them to minister to me, and I to them, to the benefit of all.

I thank God for His ministry, the RAM Center, and the blessings, grace, mercy, and love that He continues to shower His children with.